How my Mother almost Lost her Home

I wrote the other day about my mother’s property in Abiquiu and what it took to sell it. What I didn’t mention is that she almost lost her home in a separation. After building her dream home, she was a hair away from becoming homeless.

Her story greatly inspired me to buy real estate and to encourage other women to increase their own financial education and stability.  

I’ll start at the beginning. My mother had been with this man – I’ll call him Bill – for almost two decades. They were never married because my mother was too traumatized from her first marriage to want to do it again. Partners in life, they created a dream for their future: to live in a beautiful home they designed and built themselves, and, once Bill retired, time for travel and creating art, and with enough money from Bill’s pension to keep them going.

But once they hooked up internet, Bill found an ex online and headed out the door (my mother was intent on blaming the internet and not her ex). The woman he reconnected with was wealthy, living on a golf course near her country club. I don’t entirely blame him. Who wouldn’t want a sugar mama? And frankly, life happens. There can be lots of shifts and upheavals that can’t be predicted. I get that.

But the way Bill ultimately chose to leave reminded me of what happens to so many women.

See, when my mom inherited some money from her mother, she agreed to pay for much of the home construction. The plan was that she would invest up front, and when Bill retired from his fancy job, the house now complete, they would live off of his pension. But they never put this in writing. So when Bill decided to leave, he demanded his half of the house. He well knew that my mother had put all her savings into the house, and had nothing left. And frankly, the appraised amount if they were to sell was nominal for him but completely life altering for my mother. That didn’t seem to matter to him.

My mother pleaded with various attorneys to find a loophole around this unwritten agreement they had, but to no avail. There was no proof, and Bill legally owned half the house. He could force a sale.

My mother was incredibly fortunate to have an older brother who also served as her guardian angel. He stepped in and bought Bill out, allowing my mom to live out the remainder of her years in her own home.

Perhaps not surprisingly, Bill then proceeded to lie to their mutual friends (all of whom were shocked at the separation. This was a couple you thought would be together forever), telling them that he had “just walked away.” I imagine when the shame of one’s actions is so great, lying seems like the most efficient way to save face. Because no, he most definitely did not “just walk away,” which would have been difficult, of course, but at least more honorable. No, he had no qualms taking everything my mother had and not just leaving her alone, but completely destitute. And it was all legal.

Why didn’t you have this arrangement in writing? What kind of legal agreement did you have in case things fell apart? Nothing. And nothing. Just hope and trust, misplaced in a man who she thought was her life partner.

Of course, not all partnerships end in a fiery crash with the man you love turning into a selfish asshole. But it happens enough that I want women to start waking up to their own financial state and stability. Do you have your own bank account? Do you have possibly impactful financial arrangements in writing? Is your ass covered if things go south? Do you have an asset that’s entirely in your name? Do you even know that assets are the path to build wealth?

I feel strongly that women own their own property and have their own finances, however much that may be. My mom was so lucky to have a brother who could step in and not only have the means but the heart to save her in this situation. Not many women are as lucky.

Buying real estate is scary. And looking out for your own financial future can be terrifying. But many of us are doing it and securing our future. Little by little we are establishing a foundation for ourselves and our families. Want to join us?

The first step might be investing in your OWN future and joining us in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico this coming October. Learn some basics of financial freedom and have a great time in an amazing city. Build knowledge and friendships and leave inspired about possibilities for your future. Check it out here:

https://travelforabetterlife.com/emergenceretreatmx

My mom was my hero is so many ways. She was strong, generous and kind. But her greatest teaching for me may have been witnessing this weak moment when her deepest trust in someone became a liability.